if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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