I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do vagina's smell?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
