I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
