Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize