If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
