we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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