i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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