Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
