I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
