Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
