I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
