oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
