i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
