WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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