Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
