You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
