I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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