oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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