Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize