Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He better not be in your backpack
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
