so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm really busy with my period
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