if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
