If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize