my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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