she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
