Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
