Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
