Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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