how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
