Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
