Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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