You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
