I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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