I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
