have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
