mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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