That's intense
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
