sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
