btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
