where am i from again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
