Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize