I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
