He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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