so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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