Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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