Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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