He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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