Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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