I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
