she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize