Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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