i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize