I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
