my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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