just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
