I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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