can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
