4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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