I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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