im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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