addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
