Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
