Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize