My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
