I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
how does that bad decision feel?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
