weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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