btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
