Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
