Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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