please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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