dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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