ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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