I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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