He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
