Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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