how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
