I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm at about main and main street
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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