I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
