I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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