It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My penis needs a shock collar
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
