Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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