I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
