I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
