So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
