if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
