I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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