spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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