if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
