I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
