The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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