you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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