gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
