hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
