You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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