Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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