Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
